


Weight

by Cakepopple



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith was just especially mean to him this season, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Super angsty, klance can be platonic tho, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 20:30:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15781548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cakepopple/pseuds/Cakepopple
Summary: Lance is feeling down and doesn't understand why. When he goes shopping to boost his spirits, things only get worse.ORSome langst to address all the horrible things they said to him this season, but it's okay, because at the end, things get better. I promise.





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything like this before, so feel free to give me advice! :)

     It had been a decent amount of time since they got back to Earth. Probably a month or two, Lance decided. He’d been too excited to keep track. The boy had fought in space for at least a year, dreaming of nothing more than what he used to have. Dreaming of his family, his home, and his memories on Earth. After all that, he expected the fulfillment of those dreams to end the weight of his loneliness and insecurities. It hung on his shoulders with every breath. And while he was happy to see his family, god was he ecstatic, he still felt the same pressure on his chest and he couldn’t piece together why. 

     He figured he just wasn’t getting out enough and made plans to visit town.

     Once they handled the attack on Earth and after Shiro made his big speech, all sorts of alien people had been stopping by Earth. Many saw the business opportunity of the planet and opened up shops for food, clothes, and weird alien technology only Hunk and Pidge could understand. The stores ended up packing together and forming shopping centers and there just so happened to be one nearby for Lance to visit during his planned outing. But going shopping all by your lonesome is no fun, so he set off to invite someone else.

     Now here he was, wandering the hallways of the Garrison, looking for any one of his fellow paladins to spend the day with. The first person he encountered was Keith, who was making his way down the corridor in the opposite direction while fiddling with something on his phone.  _ He has a phone?  _ Somehow, Lance hadn’t pictured him with one before. Nonetheless, he strolled up with a smile.

     “Hey, Keith,” he greeted, still a few feet away.

     The boy looked up, startled, “Oh, uh, hi.” He seemed almost indifferent to the idea of crossing paths with Lance in the hallway. Keith dropped his gaze to his phone again, not slowing his pace in the slightest. The other boy frowned.

     “Where ya headed?” Lance continued his attempt at conversation, flipping his position as Keith passed him so they were both going in the same direction. 

     “Back to my room. I just finished breakfast,” the ravenet responded, not sparing a glance at the boy next to him. Lance hadn’t eaten yet. Another smile stretched across his cheeks anyway, figuring Keith was as good an option as anyone to spend time with.

     “Oh, well, if you don’t have any plans for the day, how would you like to stop by some of the cool, new alien shops with me?” At his own question, something clicked in Lance’s mind. Something that made him wince. 

     It was like someone had hit the play button on a memory in his mind without his permission. He heard Keith’s “I just don’t wanna be stuck here for eternity with Lance,” echo in his mind. His stomach flipped and his mind got fuzzy as he tried to stop the thought from bouncing off the edges of his skull any longer. Keith said something he didn’t comprehend while in the haze. He shook his head and the fog cleared.

     “Sorry, bud, I didn’t catch that,” Lance muttered, a grin finding its way back onto his face. He didn’t even realize it fell.

     “It’s fine,” Keith said, ever disinterested as he continued not to look up from the device in his hands. “And sorry, I can’t come. I made plans with my mom today.”

     Blue eyes blinked and steps faltered as Lance tried not to mentally link the memory that played a second ago with Keith’s response.  _ He’s just busy,  _ he tried to convince himself,  _ it’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with you. _ But despite his best efforts, something in his brain clicked and the idea of their connection became a permanent one in his mind. 

     “Ah,” he breathed. “It’s totally cool! You guys have a lot of catching up to do!”  _ So do we,  _ he thought. “I get it,” he ended with an even larger smile.

     He didn’t get it. Not in the way Keith said. He didn’t hear it as being busy. He heard it as being too busy for  _ him _ . Having too much on his plate to deal with Lance. The more he breathed, the heavier the pressure on his lungs was. The more he choked.

     “Yeah, thanks,” Keith said, flashing a quick and small smile back at Lance. “She and I do have a lot to catch up on.” His eyes landed on his phone once again, as he turned down another hallway and out of Lance’s view. 

     The lone boy stood there for a moment, plotting his next course of action, before he turned back and made his way towards the kitchen. He only rolled the rejection around in his head a little more until he forced himself to think about what he’d have for breakfast. 

     As he neared the kitchen, he heard Hunk and Pidge chatting. Poking his head around the corner first, he meandered in. “Wazzup, paladudes?” He smiled again, but this time the mirth failed to reach his eyes. Pidge stopped mid sentence, flashing Lance a polite smile. Hunk gave him a similar look.

     “Hey,” Hunk said, “We’re just talking science.”

     “Blech.” Lance made a sound of feigned disgust. “Why would you wanna do that?” He added a small laugh at the end to let them know he was only kidding.

     “Because  _ Hunk, _ ” Pidge answered, giving Hunk a glare, “Doesn’t think color coding is a necessary part of science.” The boy next to her made a noise as though he was beginning to counter, but she cut him off, “what an animal.” Hunk rolled his eyes and looked over at Lance. 

     “How about we ask Lance, then?” Pidge nodded. “Do  _ you _ think color coding is a necessity?” Lance thought about it for a second, considering his own viewpoint and then comparing it to what he thought the other two would like to hear. He decided to side with Pidge.

     “Well, it certainly does make notes easier to understand,” he said tentatively, while Pidge let out a shout of victory. 

     “Aww man,” Hunk said, pouting, but clearly not too upset by his loss.

     “Haha, even the ‘dumb one’ agrees with me,” the green paladin boasted, laughing all the while. 

     For the second time since he awoke that morning, Lance winced. 

     “You got me there!” Hunk said, laughing alongside her. The boy in the doorway felt his memory snap back to the dream they’d all been in before. More weight fell into his stomach with every laugh he heard. His eyes burned, so he shut them, counting his breaths. 

     When he opened them again, the two paladins in front of him were still laughing. He was glad. That meant they didn’t notice his momentary panic. He entered the room further, heading to the fridge. After grabbing two eggs and the carton of butter, the boy started to make French toast. While Lance wasn’t as good as Hunk, he could still fend for himself. 

     By the time he’d finished making his breakfast, Pidge and Hunk had long since stopped laughing, and were now onto another topic of conversation. The former blue paladin walked over and sat next to the two at the table. He took a couple bites of his breakfast before finding a break in the conversation to ask his question.

     “Sooo, I’m gonna visit some of the shops in town today. Do you two wanna come?” Lance took a sip of his glass of orange juice as he waited for an answer. 

     “Aw, buddy, I’d love to,” Hunk started, his sentence sounding like nothing more than the preface to an excuse not to go. “But,” ah, there it was, “Pidge’s dad promised to show us how some of the Atlas works today!” The taller boy sounded so happy. How could Lance even compare to that? How could anything he offer be anywhere near as appealing?

     “Gee, that sure sounds fun,” Lance said, fake sarcasm lacing his words and a playful smile spreading on his face. When the green and yellow paladins laughed and turned back to their conversation, the red paladin continued with his food. 

     He finished quickly and left with just as much haste, throwing a wave over his shoulder. That left him with only Allura, Coran, and Shiro to ask. Lance had no idea where to find them, so he walked around aimlessly until he heard Coran’s voice nearby. He followed it, hearing Allura’s voice respond. Eventually, the boy found the room with the two Alteans and though he couldn’t tell you what room it was, he was still happy to have found it. 

     “What’s crackalackin?” His grin returned and his hands landed on his hips as he joined the discussion. Allura wrinkled her nose.

     “Cracka-what now?” Disgust laced her voice, dashed with a little confusion. “Are you trying to call me a kraken, Lance?” Now she looked downright offended. Lance would have laughed, but the gleam in her eyes looked so livid he shuddered instead. 

     “What- I- No!” The boy backtracked, turning to Coran for help as she seemed to get even more upset. 

     Coran stopped the princess from pouncing and strangling Lance just in time, saying “No, no I think he’s asking us ‘what is up?’” The paladin gave a sigh of relief.

     “I- yes, thanks Coran,” he breathed, as Allura simmered down.

     “Sorry, Lance,” she said, giving him a tired smile. “Was there something you needed?”

     He went to answer. He opened his mouth, words rising from his lungs. They never got to his lips. Her voice rang in his head again, just like Keith’s had earlier, but it formed different, angrier words. “Lance, would you stop talking?!” The weight didn’t land in his stomach or on his lungs this time. It landed at the top of his throat. The space constricted and the words died before they were spoken. He felt his pulse jump, speeding and drumming in his ears as panic set in. Man, that dream messed him up.

     “Lance?” Someone asked for him. He hadn’t been able to tell whether it was Coran or Allura, but he answered anyway.

     “Oh, yeah, sorry. Drifted off for a second.” A fake grin, a fake laugh. He forced them out as he tried to steady his thoughts. “I’m heading to some shops today. Care to join me?”

     “Why?” He blinked at Allura’s question.

     “What do you mean why?”

     “Well, we’re not missing any supplies. In fact, we just filled up on food yesterday,” she said, face calculating and lacking buoyancy.

     “Nah, we wouldn’t shop for supplies. We’d shop for fun!” Her face scrunched in puzzlement. Apparently, she was not someone who visited malls for fun.  _ She probably thinks you’re stupid. That you can’t even be serious. Great job, moron. _

     “Uh, no thanks.” He was certain her words weren’t  _ meant _ to sound harsh, but his eyebrows furrowed regardless. 

     “I’ll go with you, Lance.” Shiro had come into the room without anyone noticing and apparently he  _ did  _ shop for fun. His human hand came to rest on the younger boy’s shoulder. “I heard new shops are being opened by old coalition members. I’d like to check them out.” He gave Lance a smile and lowered his hand so it rested by his side. 

     “Really?” Lance marvelled at the idea. Hunk wanting to come was believable, but Shiro? His idol? Nope, this was a trick.

     “Yeah. I’ll even drive,” he said with a laugh. The red paladin beamed.

     “I’ll get my wallet!” He was gone in a second, sprinting towards his room. 


	2. Shopping with Shiro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, but like, I'm super bad at chapter titles.

     The ride wasn’t long, only about 10 minutes or so. Lance smiled the whole time. He and Shiro had made pleasant conversation the entire ride. The paladin felt appreciated and included, feelings which had become rarer over time. Shiro found a parking spot somewhere near the shopping center and the two stepped out of the air conditioned car and into the August sun. The younger of the two couldn’t tell if his face felt like it was melting because of the heat, or because of the genuine grin he was sporting. 

     “So, where do you want to go first?” He could hear the smile in his own voice. 

     “I’m down with wherever,” Shiro mused. “Want to just wander?” Lance nodded.

     Coalition Street, as he learned it had been nicknamed, wasn’t all that large. No more than fifty stores littered the roadway on either side. Scents of spices he was unable to name wafted through the air in the same way the chatter of foreign languages drifted. Footsteps approached them quickly as a group of kids, both human and otherwise, made their way over. 

     “You’re paladins of Voltron!” One shouted, sounding thrilled to be in their presence. It made Lance happy to hear someone pleased by his existence.

     “I’m a former paladin, actually,” Shiro said with a chuckle, seeming to find the kids just as pleasant as Lance did. “But he’s the red paladin, yeah.” He pointed at the boy at his side and the kids turned their attention to him in an instant. 

     “Oh, wow! You’re so cool!” A group member gaped up at him, looking utterly starstruck. “Can we take a picture with you both?” Both Shiro and Lance gave nods to affirm the kid and all the others gathered around to join in. 

     Once that was said and done, Shiro laughed and said, “That was strange.”

     Lance agreed, adding, “But not unpleasant.” They continued down the street without any hesitation, until Shiro passed a shop that caught his eye. “A knife shop? Is that really your thing? I thought that was more up Keith’s alley.”

     “Yeah, his birthday is coming up, though, so I should probably get something while I’m here.”

     “Uhh, you have, like, two months, dude,” Lance said with a laugh.

     “What can I say, I plan ahead.” The man turned into the shop. “You keep going,” he called back, “I’ll probably only be a minute.” Lance shouted his reply and started down Coalition Street again, feeling a little emptier than before. He’d wanted to  _ shop _ with someone, not  _ drive _ to the shops with someone. Even so, he figured he should be happy with the time he got, and Shiro had assured him he’d be back in a minute. 

     Instead of focusing on the awkward feeling of meandering through a shopping center alone, he thought about how long he had waited to just place his feet on this ground. On Earth. It made him feel a little better. But his mind inevitably wandered back to his separated shopping partner. He’d left to get a birthday present for Keith. Lance felt a little jealous.  _ I never got anything on my birthday, _ he noted. The boy shook his head, assuring himself it was only because they’d been too busy fighting the Galra. That said, it did little to ease the sting spreading in his mind. Of course Keith would get a gift and he wouldn’t. Everyone preferred Keith. Between the two of them, it was natural that Keith would get more gifts. The fact burned his eyes.

     Maybe he should get the black paladin a gift, too. After all, they’d become fairly close before Keith left for the Blades. Clearly a knife was off the metaphorical present table, but at least one shop here would have  _ something _ for his friend. He scurried into the nearest one, hearing a greeting as he entered.

     It was a cute store, filled primarily with books.  _ Yikes, I’m not shopping for Pidge! _ He snorted at his joke. Her birthday wasn’t for a while, but he could look through anyway. His legs moved at a slow pace and his eyes scanned bookshelves, all of the inhabitants in foreign languages, save for a few books specifically written to teach humans alien languages. He went to reach for one on Altean, since he knew Pidge was trying to learn, but his eye caught on something else. 

     To the right of that bookshelf there was a basket. As Lance peered over the rim of it, he smiled at the contents. It was full of tiny keychains of all the paladins. They all wore their original colors, and the one shaped like Shiro had his black and white haircut, not the current one. Allura was in there too, albeit not wearing any paladin armor and instead wearing the dress they often saw her in. If he was being honest, the red paladin wanted to empty the whole basket to take home and give to his friends and family. He’d keep a few to hang in his room. 

     He settled for one of each.  _ Maybe they’ll give me a discount,  _ he thought, smiling. The alien running the counter recognized him as he walked up with the book and keychains. They gawked, mouth opening and closing.

     “You’re a paladin, aren’t you?” He smiled and nodded at the flabbergasted employee. “I… you don’t have to pay for that! The universe owes you, big time! That’s not even a dent in the debt we all owe!” Lance rubbed the back of his head with his free hand.

     “To be honest, just hearing people like you appreciate what we do makes it all worth it. Besides, how would you keep your business afloat if customers didn’t pay?” He placed a twenty dollar bill on the counter and the employee took it, fumbling all the while. Lance felt his heart swell, validity sweeping his body, feeling as refreshing as the breeze from behind him.  _ Wait.  _ He blinked as he thought. He was inside. What breeze could he be feeling? 

     The paladin heard the bell ring as the door to the shop shut.  _ Ah, another customer, _ he noted, feeling relieved, knowing he wasn’t insane. That relief was short lived, however. A fact he realized when he heard the telltale sound of a blaster whirring up, charging for a shot, from behind him. A million thoughts buzzed through his head at once with the urgency only fear caused.

     Had he brought his own weapon? Yes and no, he decided when he felt the pressure of a gun at his hip. Not his bayard, but it was something. 

     How many people were in the shop? He needed to ascertain the safety of the innocents first. He’d seen one human man on the other side of the store upon entering, and he knew about the alien working the counter, but he hadn’t seen anyone else. 

     How long did he have? Well, judging by the fact that the warming up of the gun had stopped, he assumed a shot could hit him any moment. Lance was completely at the mercy of the person who’d just entered. 

     The employee looked up from the cash register with a huge grin, beginning to say their thanks, until they, presumably, noticed the gun wielding customer. They gulped. “Can I help you?” Their voice shook. A weight fell on the paladin’s shoulders yet again, but this time it wasn’t one of loneliness or anxiety. He tasted guilt on his tongue. He smelled it in each breath he took, every choked gasp feeling heavy in his lungs. 

     “Hello, paladin,” he heard from behind him. It wasn’t anyone he recognized and he felt helpless without any knowledge of what he was dealing with. “Lovely day, isn’t it?” Their tone was sickening.

     “Ya know, could be better,” he responded, his fingers itching to reach for his gun.

     “Oh, I imagine.” They let out a long breath, one that smelled metallic. “Now here’s how this is going to go,” more thoughts swam in Lance’s head, the strongest of which was,  _ you’re not clever enough to get out of this alive. _

     “You’re going to give me your bayard, and then you’re going to let me leave, no questions asked.”

     “And if I don’t?” Lance questioned.

     “Do you really want to find out?” The person behind him sounded completely at ease and confident. Not a good sign, the boy figured.

     “Not particularly,” he answered, laughing, but feeling no humor. He didn’t even have his bayard with him. Not that handing it over would be an option, either, but now he definitely had no options. The boy dragged his upper lip against his teeth, fingers drumming on his thigh. His mind worked through as many possible strategies as quickly as it could. Thoughts wandered to the one weapon he did have.  _ Maybe… _

     “I thought you said you didn’t want to find out, paladin?”

     “You’re right, I did say that.” He reached for his weapon. “Here,” he muttered, gripping it and reaching it behind him, praying it would fool the faceless voice behind him.

     “That’s not what your bayard should look like,” the voice cooed behind him, and he could practically  _ taste _ the scowl on the owner’s face.  _ Shit. _

     “Well, they change shape, so that might have something to do with it,” Lance said with a facade of nonchalance (ahahaha nonchaLANCE). The criminal seemed to buy into the explanation, grunting approvingly. 

     “Alright then, how about we test it out?” His ears perked and his heartbeat swam in his brain as he heard the gun he just handed over cock next to his head. Next to his head? That wasn’t right. If they were aiming at Lance, it wouldn’t be over his shoulder.  _ That means they’re not aiming at-  _ His eyes immediately shot up to connect with those of the terrified employee. In the reflection of their glassy eyes, he saw it. The barrel of the gun. 

     Without any consideration of his own safety, without any thought at all, Lance leapt over the counter in an attempt to get both himself and the worker behind it. The gunshot rang out and dread filled his body no more than a second. There wasn’t room for it after that, his entire being flooding with pain instead. It bloomed in his left side and spread like a disease, infecting every inch. He heard what sounded like a curse word behind him, followed by footsteps and the ringing of the door chimes. But his head was fogged, like he hadn’t slept enough the night before. The dull, painless ache he’d get in his forehead when he started to fall asleep in class. Just like then, he didn’t want to fall asleep. And just like then, he did. His body fell onto the counter. It slid off and onto the floor, bringing everything on the countertop with it.


	3. Well Gosh Diddly Darn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one jumps back in time a bit to provide Shiro's POV. I think it's pretty clear, but just in case it's not...

     Shiro had spent longer than he meant to in that shop and he felt badly about it. When he said he’d go with Lance, he did so with the intention of spending time with him. When they split up almost immediately, guilt found a home in his stomach. He really tried not to pick favorites when it came to the paladins, but he knew he hadn’t gotten Lance a birthday present that year. Shiro hoped that while they were out that day, he could figure out what kind of things caught the younger boy’s eye and buy him a belated gift. Obviously, he hadn’t gotten the chance to make that observation, yet.

     Upon stepping out of the store, he immediately missed the feeling of air conditioning against his skin. It was about ten in the morning by then. The sun was getting high in the sky, heating the pavement to the point where he could feel it through his shoes. He hoped Lance was in a shop nearby so he wouldn’t have to spend too much time in the sweltering weather. Shiro took his phone out of his back pocket, figuring it would be easier to call Lance than to look for him in the dozens of shops.

     Shiro ran a hand through his hair, hoping to dry out some of the sweat that had already started to form. He scrolled through his contacts until he found the name of his companion, but as he was about to tap it, he heard a gunshot in the air. The whole shopping center silenced in an instant. He could hear people choking on their breath. He sprinted in the direction of the sound. It was still his job to protect people, after all.

     A figure darted out of a building down the road a bit and they seemed startled. Shiro barely registered that they dropped something before he changed his velocity to propel himself into the shop left in their wake.

     His eyes moved too quickly. He tried to accurately assess the situation, but though his eyes swept over everything, they didn’t see any of it. The man realized he needed a different approach when the panic began to reach his throat and fog his eyes. He shut them. _The gun_ . He reopened his eyes and they drifted over the room, the clear goal allowing him to stay focused. No dice there. _People._ His scan started again, and he caught the gaze of a customer making their exit in a frenzy. Then his gaze landed on the counter in the corner of the shop. And the people around it. The panic crawled further up his throat and he felt the need to scream, cry, something.

     It felt like he stood a little in from the door for minutes or maybe hours after entering. It had hardly been thirty seconds. Upon registering the familiarity of one of the figures in the corner, he made his way over. His chest constricted painfully, hoping it wasn’t… it couldn’t be him. He’d been away for maybe ten minutes, he couldn’t have… not that quickly.

     He felt his ankles buckle. His knees did the same. God, no, that was someone else with the same mop of hair. It had to be. Shiro felt like he just got off a roller coaster that was too fast as he kneeled by the limp form. Like he was about to lose the contents of his stomach. As he forced himself to look at the face, he nearly teetered over the edge of his self control.

     There was so much blood. Too much blood.

     The alien, who he could only assume worked there, was just as panicked as he was. They stood frozen save for their shaking hands. The two of them locked eyes for a moment, and Shiro asked them, “Would you,” his words were hoarse until they died completely in his throat. “Would you call an ambulance?” The employee stayed frozen for a moment. Something connected in their eyes a moment later and they nodded, rushing to some back room where Shiro hoped there was a phone. His eyes fell back to Lance, his hand landing on the boy’s neck, hoping, praying, _begging_ for a pulse. If he could have nothing else, even if everything else went wrong, he thought, at least let the boy live.

     His fingers shook as he pressed where the pulse was supposed to be. He couldn’t tell if there was anything there, his own pulse drumming in his fingertips. Gulping a quaking breath, he managed to calm his heartbeat enough to feel his appendages again. His appendages and a pulse that _wasn’t_ his. Shiro released the breath he had just taken, his fingers scrambling again.

     There was even more blood than there was a second ago.

     God, what color were his clothes before? They were too stained to tell now.

     The man tried to find the source of all the blood. He had to stop it somehow. He heard the alien return and join him next to Lance. They pointed to his side, breathing unsteady. “I, he,” their voice was strained. “He was shot, and,” the words came out in wheezes now, “they got away.” Shiro thought back to the figure he saw drop something in their haste to leave. _Damn,_ his mind echoed frustration. He shook his head, demanding he focus. His side. Lance’s side. That was where they pointed, that must be where he was injured.

     He pressed his hand to the wound and time ticked slowly and quickly at the same time. He’d completely lost track of time and the only thing that stirred him from his hysteria was the resounding siren of an ambulance. He already felt helpless, but once paramedics came in and took the boy from his hands he felt even more vulnerable. Shiro stood up, wobbling. He steadied himself with a hand on the countertop. His eyes remained glued to the floor. Lance wasn’t there anymore.

     There was so much blood. The stain was still spreading on the tiled floors, even without the source feeding into it. In the puddle, he noticed a couple pieces of metal. They were small and had chains hanging from their tops. Shiro grabbed one quickly, scurrying after the paramedics. They gave him the go to join Lance in the vehicle. He seized the chance without a second thought.

     His sight landed on the metal in his hand. Fingers smeared the blood, trying to get it off and see what it was. He managed to clean a part of it, his blood running cold. There, in the palm of his hand, was Lance’s smile. A keychain with shining eyes and a genuine smile that didn’t mirror the boy in front of him at all.

     Shiro’s stomach flipped as it implored the ambulance to go faster. For the second time in the last ten minutes, he dug his phone out of his back pocket. He was getting blood on the screen, but he couldn’t make himself care. The man rolled the thought of who he would call in his mind for a while. His contact list was in alphabetical order, so he decided on Allura. It felt like the phone dialed for hours while he bounced it between his two hands.

     “Hello, Shiro! How’s the shopping going?” She seemed happy, at ease now that they all had been given a few months to settle down after fighting the Galra. He felt a lump form in his throat at the thought of being the one to ruin her mood. Shiro fiddled with the bloodied keychain in the grasp of his left hand.

     “I… it’s,” his voice caught on the lump and he gulped it back down. “Not well.” The man’s eyes flitted over to the unconscious boy and he felt the ambulance slow to a halt.

     “Aw, is Lance giving you trouble?” She laughed. Shiro didn’t follow suit. He needed to steel himself. He was the adult here. He had to pull himself together.

     “Well, no. He’s not… Would you get the rest of the team together for me?” His knuckles turned white around the keychain. There was a pause on the other side of the line.

     “Sure,” she said, sounding apprehensive. He heard a muffled announcement from her as she presumably covered her phone. “They’ll be here in a tick.” He caught the sound when she sucked in air. “Is Lance,” she didn’t like where her sentence was headed. “Should we be worried?” Shiro dragged his bottom lip across his teeth.

     “To be honest-” The back of the vehicle opened and Lance was removed through the opening. Shiro followed, stumbling with furrowed eyebrows. He let air out through his nose. “Yes.” More silence on the other end. Until there was the buzz of frenzied talking. Apparently the rest of the team had made their entrance.

     He heard Allura hush the team, tone turning solid and serious, “What’s wrong with Lance?” The sound of chatter roared again. Shiro was struggling to keep up with the conversation, the paramedics, and his nerves. He licked his lips worriedly. They tasted of salt. He brought the back of his hand to his cheek and when he lowered it again, the blood covering it had swirled with water. When had he started crying?

     “He’s not… I don’t know. Yet. I mean, I know, but I don’t know how bad it-” His voice cracked and he cut the sentence off, choosing not to dig himself deeper. He heard the phone get manhandled.

     “Is he hurt?” It was Keith.

     “Er, yeah.” More fumbling.

     “Is he going to be okay?” Hunk this time.

     Shiro managed to squeak out, “I don’t know.” He sounded broken and he berated himself for sounding so fragile. They needed reassurement, not tears.

     “Where are you?” Pidge asked. Shiro answered the question as best as he could, watching the doctors take Lance somewhere he couldn’t follow. His teammates told him they were on their way, but he barely registered it as he fell to the ground. _God, I was the only one there to help him. I was the only one who could have helped him and I didn’t._ His throat made a strangled noise. Guilt dug its way into the deepest parts of his mind.


	4. I'm Sorry

     The view was grainy and details were missing, but Lance clearly remembered the faces of his teammates. All the other paladins stood calmly behind their respective podiums, listening to Bob as he continued blabbing. Lance was just as calm as his friends, relaxing in his supposed tub of acid. It was warm like the sandy beaches on Earth that he missed so much. Nostalgia washed over him, not unpleasantly either, and he felt his shoulders loosen. 

     When Bob mentioned the fact that the soothing liquid was actually slowly killing him, his shoulders tensed once again. Trepidation pooled behind his eyes in the form of tears. He had already died once. He couldn’t go through the indifference his team showed him in response. Not again. Lance managed to shift his gaze back to his teammates, hoping that one of them would offer some sort of consolation in the face of his own mortality. What he saw only made his fears peak. 

     Even when told their teammate and friend, though Lance was starting to doubt they thought of him as such, was dying, they maintained completely blank expressions. If anything, Hunk looked annoyed. Allura looked slightly concerned, but the red paladin quickly became aware of the fact that it wasn’t concern for him, but rather their seemingly permanent situation. She was only worried because no one else could escape this place either. Not an ounce of the concern was directed at Lance. If she cared so little, why had she even bothered to save him before? 

     Blue eyes filled with water. All the fear he’d been holding back swam to the surface and pooled on his lashes. He squeezed his eyelids shut. If he closed his eyes, he wouldn’t have to see the disappointment and agitation shining on the faces of his teammates. Eventually, he forced his eyes open. It wasn’t the same scenery as it had been the last time he looked around.

     While still grainy and missing details, now he was in his lion. The cockpit was without any pieces missing. No element was out of place. The space outside his lion, however, wasn’t quite as immaculate. There were spots where stars were completely missing, like he was in a half baked dream. One detail, the one in the center of his vision, was a sight he’d seen play every night in his dreams since it had happened. Though he never would have told his muscles to do anything different, they acted on their own. Before he knew it, and for what felt like the millionth time, he took the hit for Allura. Then there was a lapse in his memory. 

     That lapse was usually when he’d wake up to be reminded that none of his teammates seemed at all bothered by his death. He’d wake up from his nightmare, alone in his room, covered in his own sweat like a in a cliche film. Today, however, there seemed to be a different plan. He wasn’t covered in sweat, he wasn’t alone, and he most certainly wasn’t in his room. In fact, he could recognize those blinding hospital lights anywhere. 

     It hurt to breathe, Lance noted. His side burned every time he took in too much air. Instead of focusing on his own inhalations, he listened to those of whomever else was there. They were shaky, but they took his mind off of his own red, hot pain. As his view of the ceiling above him sharpened, so did his hearing. The noises from the other person in the room sounded like someone he knew. Regardless, he definitely recognized the sounds they made. He’d ugly cried countless times. 

     Taking the scorching pain in his side as an indication that moving was a bad idea, he settled on speaking. He gulped as much oxygen as he could bear, mouth forming the first word he wanted to say, but the noises from whomever was nearby cut him off. They formed a whole sentence faster than he could even get a word out.

     Guilt lacing every syllable, “You have to wake up, dammit,” he murmured. “I-” His voice wavered before beginning again, “I said I didn’t want to spend eternity with you, I know, but I didn’t mean- I never meant you should- I didn’t want you out of my life, Lance.” 

     Ah, so it was Keith.

     “I didn’t fucking mean it, asshole. God, is that gonna be what you remember about me? You said such nice things about me, probably the most genuine compliments I’ve ever received, and what do I go and say? That I don’t want to spend time with you.” He sounded like he was seething, and had it been any other situation, Lance might have been hurt. But the anger wasn’t directed at him this time. Keith was mad at himself. “I’m spending time with you now. So for the love of God, wake up. I don’t hate you. I’d easily spend eternity with you if it meant I didn’t have to see you crushed and unconscious in this hospital bed. I can’t-” Lance heard tears bubble in the boy’s throat. “I can’t live with the guilt of knowing I could have been there to prevent it.”

     The brunet’s eyes stung. The lines between the ceiling tiles were no longer sharp. He sniffed, ignoring the scorching in his side, screaming at him to pull himself together. Lance heard Keith’s breathing stop, followed by stumbling footsteps. His pale face appeared above him, blocking the red paladin’s blurred view of the hospital lighting. He managed a smile at the distraught face. 

     “Haha, your mullet’s greasy,” he teased, voice bubbling through his tears. He was somehow able to register more tears in Keith’s eyes when the other boy responded.

     “No shit, dumbass. I haven’t showered in two days, now.”

     “Eww, gross.” Lance’s brain was still muggy from having just woken up.

     “Hey, you’re no model right now, either.” Keith left his view momentarily. Then he heard a chair scraping across the floor of the room. His teammate’s face reappeared, a phone by its side. “I’m gonna call the others. They’re in the building somewhere.” The black paladin paused, face contorting with nerves. “How long have you been up?”

     “Long enough for you to make me cry.” Keith looked concerned. “Granted, that doesn’t usually take long.” Lance heard his teammate say something into the phone before hanging up to reply.

     “Did something I say upset you?” He looked injured by the thought, lowering his hands to what Lance could only assume was his lap. He hadn’t found the courage to shift his head and look yet. 

     “No, not at all. What you said was nice. Like, I think you’re being mind controlled level of nice.” More hot tears slid down his cheeks. So Keith didn’t hate him. Some of the weight in his body lifted when the boy smiled down at him, glad to be the cause of such a serene look. 

     His lungs were light in his chest. Keith didn’t mind spending time with him.

     The door opened with a slam, a stampede of footsteps following the noise. Lance still didn’t turn his head. It quickly became apparent that he didn’t need to. A swarm of overjoyed faces joined Keith’s above him. Hunk was the first to say anything.

     “You’re alive!”

     “So it seems,” Lance said, wincing at the pain that came with the preceding laugh. Shiro was the next to voice his concerns, dark bags under his eyes, wincing as he saw Lance in pain.

     “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you protect that store. I shouldn’t have abandoned you like that, I shouldn’t-” He shut his eyes, preparing to apologize more before Allura cut him off.

     “It’s not your fault, Shiro. Lance  _ chose _ to take that bullet. He was being reckless and dumb-”

     “Lance is  _ not _ dumb, Allura,” Pidge said, simmering. “He managed to save someone’s life, despite being at a disadvantage. That’s not dumb.”

     Hunk joined in, “Yeah, the employee told us he used the gun as a decoy so the criminal wouldn’t shoot them immediately. Even though he didn’t have the bayard the criminal was asking for, he managed to buy enough time for the civilians to stay safe!”

     The weight in his stomach was gone. They didn’t think he was dumb.

     Allura looked guilty, “You’re right. What you did was very resourceful, Lance. I apologize for what I said.” Her voice was tired and her eyes were dull. “I’ve been too hasty to scold you, haven’t I? I’m sorry for that, too.” 

     His throat didn’t feel clogged with doubt. She hadn’t meant it when she told him to shut up.

     “It’s alright, Princess,” Lance responded, happy to know she hadn’t intentionally hurt him.

     “I’m glad you’re alright,” Shiro added after a moment. “I was hoping to buy you a belated birthday gift while we were there, but that… clearly didn’t happen.” The barely conscious boy woke up a little more upon hearing that. Out of his view, Shiro squeezed the keychain he’d hardly let leave his grasp since Lance had gone to the hospital. “But maybe when you’re all healed up, everyone can go shopping together and I’ll get you something then.” The painful ringing in the paladin’s mind stopped spreading and slowly receded back to the corner of his mind from whence it came.

     The stinging was gone. Shiro did want to buy him a gift.

     His heart burned as he choked out a feeble, “I’d like that,” and for a moment, everything was at peace.

     “We were all really worried,” Keith muttered. “You lost a lot of blood in your act of heroism.”

     Lance laughed, “Well, I’ve had worse. At least I didn’t actually die, like last time.” It slipped out without him noticing. He figured they all knew anyway, so he didn’t think much of the statement.

     Until Pidge questioned, “What do you mean, ‘like last time’?” Lance blinked and looked at Allura confusedly.  _ Didn’t she tell them? _ Guilt crossed the blue paladin’s face. Apparently, she hadn’t.

     “Well,” she started, sounding awkward. “When we were still up in space, Lance got hit pretty hard and-”

     “ _ Pretty hard? _ ” Keith said, eyes shifting irritably. “Judging by his most recent statement, that hit was enough to kill him.” Lance’s eyes filled with glass as he heard the exchange.  _ They hadn’t known. _

     “I fixed it,” she defended, back straightening defiantly. The glass in Lance’s eyes spread from his lashes to his cheeks.  _ They never knew. _

     Hunk sounded offended as he shot his two cents right back, “But you didn’t think to tell any of us?” Lance’s teeth peeped from between his lips in a broken grin.  _ They never heard. _

     “No, it wasn’t an issue anymore, I didn’t want to-”

     “Wasn’t an issue? His  _ death _ wasn’t an  _ issue? _ ” Keith leapt from his chair. “Not an issue  _ my ass _ !” The only thing keeping him from making another leap and wringing her neck was the quiet sob that came from below the group.  _ His friends never knew he died. _ Fear gripped Keith’s lungs as he immediately sat back down and locked eyes with Lance. He phrased his question in a tone so soft it could have been mistaken for humming. “Why are you crying?”

     The bedridden paladin was able to lift a hand to wipe his cheeks, whispering, “I thought you didn’t care.” He heard confused responses, so he elaborated. “When none of you mentioned how I had died, I just…” His eyelids fluttered, freeing more tears. “I assumed you hadn’t been bothered by my death.”

     A chorus of rebuttals came from his friends, insisting he was wrong, apologizing because he’d felt that way. He felt Keith grip his hand and heard him choke out, “I would never,” but he failed to finish the thought. His eyes filled with the same glass Lance’s had. After looking around the room, Lance realized everyone’s had. All at once, the glass seemed to shatter. Shards fell all around him.  _ They do care.  _ Some of the shards fell into the hand Keith was gripping anxiously.  _ I do matter _ . 

     “Of course we’d be bothered by your death,” the black paladin finished his previous thought, squeezing Lance’s hand. 

     “I know that now. Thank you,” Lance replied, returning the squeeze. Shiro grabbed his other hand, unfurling his tightly clenched fingers. He placed something in the younger boy’s grip, shutting his fingers around it. Lance lifted his hand to his face and opened it, seeing the keychain he’d bought prior to his hospital visit. Shiro had gone through great lengths to make sure no blood remained on its surface, though no one else knew it. Lance lifted his teary eyes to level with the previous leader. The man’s head nodded to a table in the room. He let his gaze follow the movement, spotting the rest of the keychains, also clean of his blood, resting on the wooden surface. Shiro began to explain.

     “The employee you saved brought your purchases when they visited. They were very grateful for your help.”

     Glass fell anew at the gesture.

     “I’m sure they’d be happy to hear you’re doing better.” 

     It spilled down his cheeks, puddling in the curve of his smile.

     “We’re all happy.”

     And just like that, the weight was gone.

     “Thank you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada!  
> This was really fun for me to write, tbh. Like, heartbreaking, but fun.
> 
> I might write a little bonus chapter for this story, but it'll probably be a separate fic.
> 
> Lemme know what you think!
> 
> By the way, if anyone wants to make art based off of this (doubt it, but just in case), you’re more than welcome to! Just so long as you credit me. (And leave a link in the comments cuz I wanna see o3o)


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